Today, she's taken ill.
Light is repulsing, the dark is inviting. Her body feels numb in most places, her throat reminding her of sandpaper. Her head, well. It's only a dull pain, but it makes her uncomfortable.
She spends her day asleep, alone under a collection of various blankets, only rising to find food or get some water.
Even so, she dislikes both. But she knows they play a big part in acquiring the middle ground of health she so usually inhabits.
Her stomach exhibits a sharp pain at times, and she worries she may have an ulcer, or worse. So, she tries to eat at the correct times, and the pain lessens, it becomes much like the one still inhabiting her head--dull yet uncomfortable. She wants to throw them both away and resume her normal way of life again.
She tries finishing her work, tries browsing the internet. But doing both make her dizzy and result in more uncomfortable headaches. She gives up on both and defaults to sleeping again.
Her family finally arrives home again, and she feels a little better. Perhaps, she thinks, that simple social interaction is a medicine in its own way. However, even if she does feel an inkling better, her family doesn't seem to think so.
She's told that her skin, which is already normally pale, is more white than usual. She shrugs it off.
She's told that wrapped in her blanket of warmth, she looks more vulnerable and weak than usual. She laughs softly and agrees.
She walks in the halls, and is asked if she's okay. She smiles and reassures the asker, passing it off as just being tired, because that is what a majority of it is.
Her eyes start to hurt as she looks at the computer screen too long, but she ignores the fatigue making its way into her retinas. She is dizzy again, but she ignores the dull thudding in her brain.
She could easily close her computer and curl up to sleep again, banishing the weary feeling for another day.
But she doesn't.
Because she has someone she needs to be with. Someone who would otherwise be lonely, she secretly thinks and hopes. It's a timid little thought, wandering around in her mind. What would happen if she were to leave? Would she be missed, or just another person, disappearing into offline?
She doesn't want to find out the truth because it might sting her, so she's content with simply wondering.
This stupid person she endures for, this stupid person who worries her to no end, this stupid person who she loves.
And she wonders, when did it become this?
She doesn't know.
But she's happy, and that's enough for her.
Is it?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
okay
sleepy
numb
tired